Much has happened since the rainbow incident. Weird stuff but it's ok. I got it under control. And like today's title, it's all about the power of our thoughts. Remember that, it's very important.
I don't even know where to start but I gotta start somewhere so I'll pick up from where I left off. So there was this energy within me that I created with that little rainbow exercise. It was something very strange for me because I've never experienced such before and what I've learned through my research is that our survival instinct is to fear the unknown. So naturally, I started to get fearful because it's an unknown.
Thank god for all my researches because I really did learn a lot doing these researches and can apply what I've learnt to my current situation. I would never have taken this route prior to my researches but then again, I wouldn't be in this situation if I never even chose to take this path. So synchronicity? I think definitely yes. See the thing is now I don't really have a choice but to believe that it is synchronicity at work. It was my own free choice to go this way and I really did asked to learn the truth. And if it is synchronicity, then I must accept that this is my truth. I can not accept it but my instincts tell me that I should.
So back to the energy. It's like this extra energy bouncing around in my head or inside my body. It can be very disconcerting if you have all these extra energy and not know what to do with it. It didn't help that I went and did some more research which brought me to some website about balancing the chakra and some kundalini rising. Freaked me out when it claims that results can be detrimental if you didn't do it the correct way. All I could think was "Oh Shit!"
Anyhow, I had to do something about it so it occurred to me that it's energy I created it and just left it there. So I proceeded to try and dispel some of it. I was very careful and focused in not creating any more energy in the process. Not easy to do because of the vibrations at the back of my throat but focus is the key word here. So I had to be very focused and tried to free some of these energy by directing it out of my body. It sort of worked a little in that it wasn't so bad anymore. Alcohol helped a lot if only just to calm my nerves. I was still very fearful.
My plan is to continue the work to try and mentally dispel it. At the same time, I have to maintain positive thoughts because remember, the power of thoughts. The internet article claim that its irreparable damage that I might have done, there would be no place for me in heaven or hell or something to that extent. That's pretty fucked up but oh well, I'm just going to have to do my best whilst I'm still alive then because this might possibly be my only chance at consciousness if I really fucked up so badly. Also no more trying to oobe anymore now in case I triggered anymore energy with the natural vibrations that happen when oobe-ing. I guess that's out the window now until I can figure out my current situation.
So I went back and reviewed the love/fear dichotomy and the only solution presented is either love it or fear it. But how to love it when I don't even know it? Survival instincts. So now there's two things. I must continue to live in love now because this might be my only chance but I'm already beginning to convince myself that it's really not. Living in love means to be the best person that I can ever possibly be. Gotta always keep my thoughts in check. I have to most importantly love others more because I don't think I have any issues with loving myself anymore. Consideration for myself and others should be the main priority now. Everything else is just a distraction. I have to keep focused.
So I tried it. Being more considerate and understanding of others and myself. First and foremost having more patience with my kids. And I realized that with this extra energy, I finally do have the physical and mental energy to entertain the kids and their constant demands with more patience and less negativity! So far so good right? I've only started applying this since this morning and already I'm feeling a lot more happier and a lot less stressed. So again, power of thoughts!
There's two ways to look at this now that the deed has already been done and can no longer be undone. At least not at this point in time anyway. I can either see this as a curse and forever live in fear of my condition, convinced that something is terribly wrong with me, or I can see it as a blessing in disguise and something I had really asked for anyway. This condition will be my constant reminder of the priorities in my life. I have to take care of myself in order to take care of my family. If I do not adopt this way of thinking, I'll be tethering on the edge of fear. But we don't want that. So naturally, I will do everything in my power to maintain the serenity and love.
The power of thoughts. There's two ways to look at the feeling in my head as well. One way is a constant pressure. Once I changed my way of thinking, it became instead a constant high very much like a mild weed buzz. So how lucky am I now to be constantly high right? Again, this state of being is very much what started the entire fiasco. I wanted to naturally manufacture DMT to experience the mushroom high and to a certain extent, this is also a kind of altered state of consciousness.
Anyway, it's still early days yet. We'll see where it takes us in the longer run and especially since I haven't really been tried and tested with a truly stressful situation. But in the meantime, I'm now seeing this as a truly needed relief from my angry and stressful self.
The power of thoughts!
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