The Kabbalists believe that the Creator is unchanging and is only capable of creating and bestowing. I'm interested in the unchanging part of the Creator. I have read or watched somewhere before about the unchanging nature of the Creator. Immovable, unshakeable, unchanging and eternal is some of the descriptive words of the Creator that interest me. Not sure why. But let us now try and investigate into the matter.
If I have a solid conviction, something I believe is truly good and beneficial, I would want to be like the Creator in terms of the unshakeable foundation of said belief or understanding or knowing. Problem is, I don't have a solid conviction of anything. Because I know nothing!! Doubt, lots and lots of doubt. Always doubting my own understanding, doubting others and doubting everything. So I think in order to be more like the Creator, I'm going to need to really consider my own convictions to the point where I can no longer doubt it anymore. But is that even possible for a human? We can't possibly know anything for sure. And that is a fact. And if you don't know anything for sure, how can you not doubt? The only people I know who can sort of do this are the religious people believing blindly in their faith etc. And I don't ever want to be like that. In fact, I see it as a total opposite of the unchanging notion of the Creator. Again, I'm not sure why but that's how I feel.
I really need to oobe to find some answers. And I will. It's only a matter of time. Haven't had much luck with the oobeing lately. Don't even remember my dreams but meditation sessions have been fruitful so at least it's something!
Thursday, 6 December 2018
Monday, 3 December 2018
Nationalization and its Discontent
I was reading an oobe article about how having oobe and nde can help people realize some important issues about life and such and one of the main points is about nationalization and its discontent. Apparently, oobe helps to
"overcome our current life conditioning and to be able to see ourselves in a broader context. Thus, we are able to extract and recognise our essence from our current country, race, religion, gender, language, family position, social class and others; and we realise that we are the sum of all those experiences and not just the current states of being... Trying to look for an ideal common denominator of what to strive for, which goes beyond this one single life is also something OBE helps us with" -from Alexander deFoe's Consciousness Beyond The Body: Evidence and Reflections
So it got me thinking about where I stand in terms of these issues, especially the one about nationalization and I had to backtrack on a few lifetimes to see the evolution process of my opinion. Ok, maybe not a few lifetimes, but more like eras in this lifetime.
I remember the cough mixture episode when the Hindu God Brahma was explaining to me about how everything is one and I also strongly felt and understood that concept of one-ness. I was high then so the revelations obviously didn't count.
Then I took the course on nationalization and its discontent in uni and I didn't really applied it to myself personally because of the nature of the stupid course. If I applied my own understanding and beliefs to the course, I would've fucking failed it because I'd be like "why the fucking nationalism and discontent? Nonsense waste of precious time." That, as you can see is not very critical thinking. So I had to put all my feelings aside and fucking read about the issues being studied and trying to understand it from the course's point of view, the importance of these so called "issues" and the who, what, when, how and why.
So I was still quite nationalistic then. Was proud to be a Malaysian and would not want to be anything else because why would I? I didn't believe in the idea of war and shit but if I had to go to war to defend my country, I probably might. Not because I was such a fucking patriot but because hey, I'm Malaysian and if my country need me, I'll be there. Besides, when you're young and invincible and free of responsibilities, you'd do anything for a bit of action, why not do it for a worthy cause?
I remember my sister was quite the patriot back in those days and being the annoying younger sister, you always want to be just like your older sister. Not to mention that eventually in school, they sort of drum nationalism into you.
Then I met Nebs, I was still quite loyal to my country then. We talked about citizenship and I'd still rather be Malaysian then because I would not want to be anything else. Then Najib went and screwed the whole country up and I was ready to give up my Malaysian citizenship if need be. And I'm pretty sure I wasn't the only one. But there wasn't a need then, and thankfully, not anymore now.
My studies in search for the truth now probably didn't change my mind to my personal notions of nationalism and such. It has still remained the same in the sense that I don't think one's nationality should define oneself. To me, Malaysia now is just the place I was born and raised and where the food is really undeniably good. I can't really call it home because my family are not even there most of the time. Home will always be where I am now with my loving husband and beautiful kids, wherever the fuck we may be.
Having lived in Australia and now in Indonesia probably also opened up my eyes and mind. We've had to move so many times it's not even funny. Having to put our stuff in storage most of the time has taught me that we really don't need much material possessions to survive and be happy. If anything, the motto 'less is more' rings truer than ever when you live the life of a gypsy, which we sort of do.
And Kupang now teaching me more interesting and valuable lessons I might never learn anywhere else in the world - unless we move to some 4th world warring corner, which will be a different story for another day. Not only do we not have our possessions here, we can't even procure some of the stuff we regularly used. Here in Kupang, you simply learn to "make do without". And I'm not even talking about material things or civilized comforts. Clean water is what I'm talking about. The most basic necessity in this day and age. But Kupang is obviously not of this day and age. Then it makes me think about those really 4th world corners where it's a thousand times worse. At least we get decent drinkable water (I just try not to consider too much about the source. You know, whatever doesn't kill you...)
So in terms of the basic civilized comforts, Kupang probably get a 5 out of 10 and I'm being quite generous here. Anyhow, it doesn't even matter what Kupang or Barooga or KL scored because at the end of the day, you'll always learn to "make do" wherever you are because life really is about "making do" wherever you are. Nowadays, I won't be out fighting a war for my country because I'm already in constant battles with the kids. And I honestly think now from a grown up point of view, I really still don't give a fuck about what Hobbes thought was going to be the divide of the civilizations. Who fucking cares, we're too busy "making do".
"overcome our current life conditioning and to be able to see ourselves in a broader context. Thus, we are able to extract and recognise our essence from our current country, race, religion, gender, language, family position, social class and others; and we realise that we are the sum of all those experiences and not just the current states of being... Trying to look for an ideal common denominator of what to strive for, which goes beyond this one single life is also something OBE helps us with" -from Alexander deFoe's Consciousness Beyond The Body: Evidence and Reflections
So it got me thinking about where I stand in terms of these issues, especially the one about nationalization and I had to backtrack on a few lifetimes to see the evolution process of my opinion. Ok, maybe not a few lifetimes, but more like eras in this lifetime.
I remember the cough mixture episode when the Hindu God Brahma was explaining to me about how everything is one and I also strongly felt and understood that concept of one-ness. I was high then so the revelations obviously didn't count.
Then I took the course on nationalization and its discontent in uni and I didn't really applied it to myself personally because of the nature of the stupid course. If I applied my own understanding and beliefs to the course, I would've fucking failed it because I'd be like "why the fucking nationalism and discontent? Nonsense waste of precious time." That, as you can see is not very critical thinking. So I had to put all my feelings aside and fucking read about the issues being studied and trying to understand it from the course's point of view, the importance of these so called "issues" and the who, what, when, how and why.
So I was still quite nationalistic then. Was proud to be a Malaysian and would not want to be anything else because why would I? I didn't believe in the idea of war and shit but if I had to go to war to defend my country, I probably might. Not because I was such a fucking patriot but because hey, I'm Malaysian and if my country need me, I'll be there. Besides, when you're young and invincible and free of responsibilities, you'd do anything for a bit of action, why not do it for a worthy cause?
I remember my sister was quite the patriot back in those days and being the annoying younger sister, you always want to be just like your older sister. Not to mention that eventually in school, they sort of drum nationalism into you.
Then I met Nebs, I was still quite loyal to my country then. We talked about citizenship and I'd still rather be Malaysian then because I would not want to be anything else. Then Najib went and screwed the whole country up and I was ready to give up my Malaysian citizenship if need be. And I'm pretty sure I wasn't the only one. But there wasn't a need then, and thankfully, not anymore now.
My studies in search for the truth now probably didn't change my mind to my personal notions of nationalism and such. It has still remained the same in the sense that I don't think one's nationality should define oneself. To me, Malaysia now is just the place I was born and raised and where the food is really undeniably good. I can't really call it home because my family are not even there most of the time. Home will always be where I am now with my loving husband and beautiful kids, wherever the fuck we may be.
Having lived in Australia and now in Indonesia probably also opened up my eyes and mind. We've had to move so many times it's not even funny. Having to put our stuff in storage most of the time has taught me that we really don't need much material possessions to survive and be happy. If anything, the motto 'less is more' rings truer than ever when you live the life of a gypsy, which we sort of do.
And Kupang now teaching me more interesting and valuable lessons I might never learn anywhere else in the world - unless we move to some 4th world warring corner, which will be a different story for another day. Not only do we not have our possessions here, we can't even procure some of the stuff we regularly used. Here in Kupang, you simply learn to "make do without". And I'm not even talking about material things or civilized comforts. Clean water is what I'm talking about. The most basic necessity in this day and age. But Kupang is obviously not of this day and age. Then it makes me think about those really 4th world corners where it's a thousand times worse. At least we get decent drinkable water (I just try not to consider too much about the source. You know, whatever doesn't kill you...)
So in terms of the basic civilized comforts, Kupang probably get a 5 out of 10 and I'm being quite generous here. Anyhow, it doesn't even matter what Kupang or Barooga or KL scored because at the end of the day, you'll always learn to "make do" wherever you are because life really is about "making do" wherever you are. Nowadays, I won't be out fighting a war for my country because I'm already in constant battles with the kids. And I honestly think now from a grown up point of view, I really still don't give a fuck about what Hobbes thought was going to be the divide of the civilizations. Who fucking cares, we're too busy "making do".
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